Through discussions with a friend I’ve come to make this decision: I’m effectively not calling myself a Christian anymore. I still believe in God, still follow Jesus’ teachings, et. al. I just do not consider that I necessarily follow the Christian religion anymore. Still very interested in Christian theology and still enjoy Christian “worship” music and theology, but I just cannot in good conscience associate with a good number of the Christian church body anymore.
I still plan to go to church regularly, oddly enough. I just get a lot of comfort from the ritual. Call it a cultural exercise and a chance for God to continue to reach me. =)
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss [Y]our [B]eauty trumped my doubt
I am a woman who is daring to question the faith i was raised in. I do this not about of disrespect, but out of an inborn quest for Truth. I’m not sure i could ever stop believing in God, in a Higher Power, but I think I want to discover Him on my own terms - guided by those wiser, older, more experienced, of course; guided by a variety of sound opinions, thoughts, and texts. I aim to be guided by the Bible, too, whatever my changing views of it may be… and however little I read it anymore.
It’s been a long yet short journey. It’s taken only a span of a few years to reach this point, and it came on rather suddenly, in my opinion. In seminary, ironically. But once this train got going, it’s been impossible to stop.
I find God in so many things, not to sound like a hippie, but it’s true. I find Him especially in music, but, oddly, more in “secular” music than Christian. Funny, isn’t it? But probably not surprising. Be prepared for lots of Mumford & Sons lyric quotes. =D
I chronicle this journey of the evolution of my faith not as a desperate scramble to hold onto something I’m not entirely sure I want to hold on to. Rather, I’m prepared to encounter whatever may come, in all humility. My certainties, my doubts, my frustrations, my happiness… it’s all going to be here, in bare, open honesty.
The flaws in my religion are astounding and heartbreaking. I am disappointed, dejected, angry. I want more… I am tired of weights and restrictions. I have been promised freedom but found far the opposite. Instead of acceptance, love, humility, I have observed and often received judgment, criticism, condemnation. I have found a great measure of good, mind you, but the negative is currently outweighing the positive. Doctrine in certainly an issue but my qualms lie more firmly with people and their behaviors or lack thereof.
I share my evolution with you not to brag, not to put on a mantel of false humility, not to impress. I share this with you in hopes that I will not only encourage others but also perhaps find friends who would like to journey along with me.
I present myself to the world not as an insider looking out but as an outsider looking in. I am a person of religion, and that religion happens to be Christianity. Not severing the bonds, I am daring to take a leap and step outside the box, see things through my own eyes, influenced by faith. I’m daring to let myself change and grow… even if that growth is… away.
But I’m willing to be swayed.
(P.S. Any critical, mean-spirited types of comments will be deleted. I don’t mind honestly but I ask for maturity and respect.)